In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I could make wine with my vomit
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
