What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
