you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
