take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
