Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize