As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
