hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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