i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
