she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
