i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
