i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
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