My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
