Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
