Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
