There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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