Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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