what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
