i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
