i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
