Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
