ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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