Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
