if you like me you must not know who I am
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
