I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
