I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
