we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
