well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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