You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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