also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
