So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
