I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize