Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
