I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
