"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize