May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
