the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
