every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
