dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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