So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize