Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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