remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
