Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
