You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
