Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
