forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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