Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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