I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
