the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize