The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
