well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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