I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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