I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
