i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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