So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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