drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
