You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
