8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Sober January is a disaster.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
