Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize