awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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