I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
