its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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