First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
