You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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