As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
