Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
