there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We are two peas in an std pod
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
