just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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