i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
