Just cropdusted the office
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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