I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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