Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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