Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
