Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
