I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
