I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My day in three words: secret purse cake
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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