Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
