haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you didnt know i had herpes?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
