I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
