I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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