so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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