none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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