I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
