You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
