I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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