She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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