She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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