Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
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