OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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