Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
