my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
