Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
nut hugger
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
