She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
