We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
