You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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