theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
